<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>so tell me 'bout your sins (and shock me with their luridness) by Rubick</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28407279">so tell me 'bout your sins (and shock me with their luridness)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubick/pseuds/Rubick'>Rubick</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV), The Magicians (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Happy Birthday, Humor, Minor Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh, Minor Rebecca Bunch/Nathaniel Plimpton - Freeform, Nathaniel is the clear winner, You could imagine Quentin with a mustache while you read this, long live the tall guy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:22:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,835</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28407279</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubick/pseuds/Rubick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Penny's eyes widen as he looks back at the pretzel stand. “Oh shit, she’s doing it again.”</p><p>“Doing what?” Eliot asks.</p><p>“Making up a song. In her head. About us.” He watches her intently, then shrugs. “It’s about how hot we are.”</p><p>The Magicians/Crazy Ex-Girlfriend crossover that no one asked for. Not even the gift recipient.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Margo Hanson &amp; Eliot Waugh, Quentin Coldwater &amp; Margo Hanson, Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh, Rebecca Bunch &amp; Heather Davis &amp; Valencia Perez, Rebecca Bunch/Nathaniel Plimpton, William "Penny" Adiyodi &amp; Quentin Coldwater</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>so tell me 'bout your sins (and shock me with their luridness)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/akisazame/gifts">akisazame</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have no idea what this is, and it will only appeal to maybe five people out in the world, but I hope it makes those five people laugh. Happy Birthday, Sylph! You’re welcome for me not giving Quentin a mustache in this fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“When are we going to the beach?” Margo sits back in her chair, crossing her arms and fixing Eliot with that one-arched-eyebrow look that can only be perfected by months of wearing an eyepatch.</p><p>“I am <em>not </em>taking your asses to the beach,” Penny says offhandedly as he scans the lobby.</p><p>“Come on,” Margo says. “If anyone can use some Vitamin D, it’s you.” Penny’s frown deepens as Margo continues, “Aren’t you from Florida? Don’t you miss the sand and the sun and the gentle crash of waves?”</p><p>“No,” he says shortly. Then, after a beat, “Not really.” Margo’s victorious smile is nothing short of blinding as she settles back in her chair.</p><p>“We’ll go as soon as we’re done here,” Eliot promises, reaching over and squeezing Margo’s hand. She huffs out a breath, looking around the lobby of the office building. “Quentin is finishing up the wards and then we’ll be staring at the Pacific Ocean before you know it.”</p><p>“Quentin,” Margo said, rapping her knuckle on the table in front of him. “I wanna go to the beach.”</p><p>“Yeah, I hear you,” Quentin says, scribbling onto a notepad. “I’m almost done.” He glances up at Penny, and then back to his notebook. “It’s a good thing you came; it’s a bit of a drive to the beach from here.”</p><p>“I didn’t think it was that far,” Margo comments.</p><p>“Two hours away. Four with traffic,” Quentin says. “I’ll be done in about fifteen.” He picks up his notebook and walks away to the far side of the lobby, next to a small pretzel stand.</p><p>Penny sighs, standing up. “I’m going to get a pretzel,” he says, stalking away.</p><p>“Fuckin’ bull titties,” Margo says. “What crawled up his ass and died?”</p><p>“Same thing that’s been decomposing up there for years,” Eliot says, putting away the herbs they’d used for the wards. “Did you notice how there’s a disturbing amount of pretzel vendors in this town?” He squints at the name of the shop across the lobby—“Rebetzel’s Pretzels. Well, let’s hope the product is better than the name.”</p><p>They sit and chatter for a few minutes. Eliot has everything packed up and is thumbing through his phone when Quentin reappears.</p><p>“All done. Just need to wait about fifteen more minutes to make sure they set, and then we can go,” he says. “Where’s Penny?”</p><p>Eliot looks up and around. “I dunno, he just went to get a pret—” He’s interrupted by the magician in question sliding into his seat, a half-eaten plain pretzel in his hand.</p><p>“I didn’t think it was possible,” Penny says, “But I found the one person who broadcasts louder than you do. And her taste in music is <em>not </em>any better.” He points at Quentin, and then rips off a piece of the pretzel, popping it into his mouth and grimacing. “God this is horrible, but I can’t stop eating it.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Quentin asks.</p><p>“I mean this pretzel is stale and overcooked but my mouth just wants more of it. Fuckin’ weird, man.”</p><p>“Maybe it’s magical,” Quentin comments. “But I was asking about the… loud broadcaster?” he asks, looking oddly interested. Eliot smiles fondly at Quentin and Margo sighs, looking at her nails.</p><p>“The chick behind the counter,” Penny says, and they all instantly swivel their heads to look at the pretzel stand. A short dark-haired woman is texting furiously into her phone. She glances up and sees all of them staring at her, and they all instantly turn away.</p><p>“She looks familiar,” Quentin says, his eyes narrowing as he does that thing where he’s looking at her but trying not to look like he’s looking at her. On anyone else it would look ridiculous but Quentin, as he does with everything, only looks adorable.</p><p>“She’s got some kind of crazy love quadrangle thing going on, and she’s making up songs about it in her head.” Penny finishes the pretzel, wiping his fingers on a napkin. “I mean they aren’t <em>all </em>horrible, just like, 90% of them.”</p><p>“Well don’t keep us in suspense,” Margo says, perking up. “What’s the tea?”</p><p>Penny gives her a look. “I didn’t get any tea.”</p><p>Margo rolls her eyes as Eliot clears his throat. “Bambi is asking for further clarification on the ‘crazy love quadrangle.’”</p><p>“Are they like, pop songs?” Quentin asks, shifting in his seat. Eliot chuckles, reaching over and placing his hand on top of Quentin’s. Quentin smiles back at him, tangling their fingers together as Penny rolls his eyes.</p><p>“All genres, man,” Penny says. “With dancing and back up singers.” His eyes widen as he looks back at the pretzel stand. “Oh shit, she’s doing it again.”</p><p>“Doing what?” Eliot asks.</p><p>“Making up a song. In her head. About us.” He watches her intently, then shrugs. “It’s about how hot we are.”</p><p>“Really?” Eliot says, nodding. “Valid.” He tilts his head towards Penny. “Do you think you—”</p><p>“I am <em>not </em>singing it for you,” Penny says tersely. He looks at her again, a constipated look on his face—“She’s moved on anyway, back to all her boys that are in love with her. Singing about math or some shit. I don’t know.” Penny pulls out his phone, and they sit in silence for a moment. Quentin pulls out his book to get a few chapters in before the wards set. Suddenly Penny’s head jerks up in the direction of the pretzel stand.</p><p>“For love of—” Penny cuts himself off suddenly.</p><p>Quentin looks up from <em>A Darker Shade of Magic</em> and sees Penny’s mouth fall open as he looks on the opposite side of the lobby. Quentin follows his gaze to see three men, all attractive in their own way, involved in an intense conversation. </p><p>“That’s them,” Penny says. “The dudes. That are in love with her.”</p><p>“Yes,” Margo says, leaning forward in her chair, dragging out the ‘s’ so she sounds like an excited snake.  “Ever since these two knuckleheads over here—” she gestures vaguely in Quentin and Eliot’s direction— “got over themselves and got all <em>monogamous</em>, I have had a serious lack of drama in my life. Tell me about them.”</p><p>“I am not your fucking radio soap opera—”</p><p>“<em>Oh my god</em> you have thoroughly covered everything you are <em>not</em>, now just entertain the class for a few minutes before we get to the beach where you can sleep in the sun and I promise no one will disturb you. I’ll buy you a goddamn piña colada when we get there.”</p><p>“Fine,” Penny says. “Okay, the short little Filipino that looks like he could bench press Eliot. His name is Josh Felix Chan, and—”</p><p>Eliot cuts him off. “Question: Does he go by Josh or Felix?”</p><p>“Josh,” Penny says.</p><p>Instantly Margo, Eliot and Quentin shake their heads. “Well that’s one point against him. You may continue.” Eliot reaches over and puts his hand on Quentin’s thigh as Quentin closes his book with a sigh.</p><p>Penny rolls his eyes. “He’s very laid back, positive, enjoys martial arts, dancing and water parks, is quote ‘very good at sex’ end quote, and is dumb as a brick. But he sure is nice to look at.” At Quentin’s look, he gestures over to the pretzel stand. “These are literally her thoughts, she is monologuing in her head as we speak.”</p><p>“I’ll agree that he is nice to look at,” Eliot says, eyeing him speculatively.  At Quentin’s frown, he smiles and says, “You know I think the best things come in small packages.”</p><p>Penny snorts. “TMI, man.”</p><p>Eliot frowns at Penny. “I didn’t—”</p><p>“Stop interrupting,” Margo interrupts. “Tell me more about that Josh.” She points over at the three men that are still talking, hands gesturing, and Margo gets the distinct impression that someone is going to take their shirt off very soon. She’s betting on Josh. He just has that ‘I need to show off my pecs’ kind of attitude.</p><p>Penny groans, focusing. “Uhhh the girl—Rebecca—moved across the country from New York because she heard he was moving here.”</p><p>“Wow,” Margo interrupts again. “I guess the dick was just that good.”</p><p>“I’m not doing this anymore,” Penny says, shaking his head.</p><p>“Well I’m kind of invested now,” Quentin admits. “And we have to hang out at least another ten minutes, so…”</p><p>“Fine, just stop interrupting,” he says, glaring at Margo, who just smiles at him. “So those two dated, and then he left her at the altar. To become a priest. For like a week. She tried to have his dad deported. They have since reconciled, were roommates, and now he’s back on the table.”</p><p>“That’s a lot of baggage,” Quentin says.</p><p>Eliot hums. “I think you can overcome any kind of baggage for the right person,” he says, smiling down at Quentin. Eliot leans down for a kiss and Margo sighs loudly.</p><p>“Tell me about the guy that looks like he walked out of <em>Pitch Perfect</em>.”</p><p>Penny looks at Rebecca, who is standing behind the counter, her eyes wide, staring at the three men in conversation. Another employee has joined her behind the counter, and he’s smiling as he wipes down the counter.</p><p>“That guy is Greg. He’s best friends with Josh—”</p><p>“That’s gotta be awkward,” Eliot interrupts.</p><p>“If you interrupt me <em>one more time</em>, I swear to God I’m going to the beach <em>by myself</em> and the rest of you can rent a fucking car and drive the two-to-four hours it takes to get there. Anyway, he’s an alcoholic, fell hard for Rebecca but it was a shitshow, he moved away, matured a little, some say he got more attractive and some disagree, somewhere in all that he dated Heather, and—”</p><p>“Who’s Heather?” Quentin interrupts.</p><p>Penny sighs, one hand on his forehead. “One of Rebecca’s best friends.”</p><p>“Josh’s best friend Greg dated one of Rebecca’s best friends Heather, and who Rebecca also dated in the past and is now maybe dating again?” Quentin asks. He pulls out his notebook.</p><p>“No, I don’t think Heather and Rebecca dated,” Eliot says. He pauses, looking at Penny. “Did they?”</p><p>“I don’t <em>fucking </em>know!” </p><p>“That’s a little incestous, isn’t it?” Quentin asks, starting to take notes.</p><p>Margo turns her gaze back on him, and Quentin nearly turns to stone because it’s Margo, bitches. “Yeah. And that’s something we definitely don’t know anything about, right?”</p><p>Quentin’s eyes shift between Eliot and Margo, and he ducks his head down. “Okay, whatever.”</p><p>“Anything else on Greg?” Margo asks Penny.</p><p>Penny sighs. Again. “He’s re-opened his Dad’s old restaurant since he came back to town, has been doing really well. Thinks Rebecca is his soulmate.”</p><p>“Well that sounds promising and healthy,” Eliot says, pulling a cinnamon churro out of his pocket and nibbling on it.</p><p>“Yeah, about that,” Penny says, smirking. “Rebecca kind of fucked his dad.”</p><p>All heads again swivel over to Rebecca, who narrows her eyes at them and grabs her employee by the arm. She starts whispering in his ear as they watch. </p><p>Penny continues, “It was a real low point, probably her rock bottom, but yeah.”</p><p>“Okay, so Greg’s a no-go,” Margo says.</p><p>“Tell me about the tall guy,” Quentin says, leaning forward, his pen poised over his notebook. Margo peers over and can see he has some kind of diagram going.</p><p>“You like the tall ones, baby?” Eliot asks, one hand lifting up to rest on the back of Quentin’s neck. He drags one of his enormous, sexy feet over to nudge Quentin’s foot under the table.</p><p>“Um,” Quentin says, swallowing hard. “He’s just the last one. We haven’t heard about him yet.” He looks at Rebecca, who is back to wringing her hands over the three men that are still talking, and sure enough for some reason Josh has taken his shirt off. He has really nice biceps. Quentin mutters under his breath, “I still think she looks familiar.”</p><p>“So the last one is Nathaniel Plimpton,” Penny says. He holds a hand up before Margo can interject. “Yes, I said <em>Plimpton</em>. The <em>third</em>.  He’s a lawyer, like Rebecca—”</p><p>“Rebecca’s a lawyer?” Quentin asks, scribbling in his notebook. “Why is she working at a pretzel stand?”</p><p>“Because becoming a lawyer is the quickest way to ruin your life,” Margo says.</p><p>“<em>Dear God </em>please just let me finish this so we can leave,” Penny says. “Smart, rich, <em>many </em>daddy issues, has completely turned around from self-centered asshole to self-centered sometimes-good-person, which he credits to Rebecca. Also is weirdly obsessed with the zoo.”</p><p>Eliot nods. “The pandas are a personal favorite.”</p><p>Quentin smiles up at him. “I like the kangaroos.”</p><p>“<em>Anyway</em>,” Penny says. “He and Rebecca have been off and on for a while, but between all three of these guys he’s probably the one she’s been with the longest. If you count the seven months of fucking in a closet.”</p><p>The group is silent for a moment, until Quentin says, “I think she should probably count that.”</p><p>“Anyway, that’s all I got. Can we go yet?”</p><p>Quentin checks his phone. “Five more minutes.”</p><p>“Well, I think the choice is obvious,” Margo says, arms crossed as she looks over at the three men. “I mean, we all have daddy issues, but fucking one is kind of a deal-breaker. So sorry Greg, but you’re out. Now Josh—”</p><p>“No,” Eliot, Quentin, and Penny all say simultaneously.</p><p>“I’m just saying,” Margo says. “He’s cute. Has all the history.”</p><p>“History is important,” Eliot starts.</p><p>“But not as important as the person that pushes you to be the best version of yourself,” Quentin finishes, again smiling up at Eliot.</p><p>“Look,” Margo says. “Who’s the best in bed? Who does she want to have period sex with? Is that in her head?”</p><p>“God, it <em>is</em> and I am waiting outside.” Penny gets up and leaves, and Quentin closes his notebook. </p><p>“We can go, wards look good,” Quentin says. “I didn’t bring a suit for the beach, though.” He stands up and slides his notebook into his messenger bag.</p><p>“That’s okay,” Eliot says. “We’ll figure it out.” He stands next to Quentin, ducking his head to give him a long kiss. When he pulls away, he feels an itch on the back of his neck, like he’s being watched. He glances up to see the people they’ve been talking about—Rebecca, her employee, and the three men (all of whom now have their shirts off, for some reason), staring at them.</p><p>“That’s hot,” Rebecca calls out across the lobby. “Y’all are definitely the hottest. I do like your friend with his tits hanging out, though.”</p><p>Quentin looks between Eliot and Margo, and then weakly calls back, “Uh. Thanks?” Then he mutters, “We should go.”</p><p>“Y’all are definitely not the hottest,” Margo says, following them out. </p><p>They’ve just met up with Penny on the sidewalk outside when Quentin gasps out loud, causing everyone to look at him. “Everything okay, Q?” Eliot asks.</p><p>“Oh my god, that was the Rooftop Killer!” Quentin says. At Eliot’s puzzled look, he shrugs— “I went down a YouTube rabbit hole last week. I started at Hozier and ended at Rooftop Killer.”</p><p>“So that whole time we were talking about the love life of a serial killer?” Eliot asks. Then he nods, “That sounds like us.”</p><p>“No,” Quentin says. “She was trying to save Nathaniel; some guy was trying to kill him and Rebecca stopped him. Wow, what a small world.”</p><p>“Well, seems like she and Nathaniel have a lot going for them,” Eliot says. “Long live the tall guy.”</p><p>Margo turns to Penny. “To the beach, por favor.” They grasp hands, and a familiar guy approaches. Margo stops Penny just before they port out— “That guy. That’s Josh from inside… but not?”</p><p>Penny groans, turning to look at the guy in question. “That’s White Josh,” he says simply.</p><p>“Oh,” Margo says. “We have one of those.”</p><p>“Ten bucks says this one is better than ours,” Penny sighs. “Can we fucking go to the beach now?”</p><p>They disappear, just before Rebecca runs out of the lobby, Heather and Valencia hot on her heels. She looks around, crestfallen.</p><p>“I’m telling you, four of the hottest people I’ve ever seen were <em>right here</em>. They kept staring at me. And I’m pretty sure they were all like, <em>together</em>. Like <em>together </em>together. Like a big sexy quadrangle of love.”</p><p>“Well next time you see a big sexy geometric anything of love, that does <em>not </em>involve you, take a picture,” Heather says. Then she turns and strides back into the lobby.</p><p>Rebecca looks at Valencia. “I’m telling you. The tall one had legs for days, and god I can’t even believe I’m saying this, the small one had his hair in this little bun and these stupid little wisps kept coming free and I don’t even like that and he’d push them back and they’d just fall out again immediately, it was <em>criminal</em>—”</p><p>“Okay, let’s go back inside,” Valencia says, grabbing Rebecca’s arm. “Before you turn your quadrangle into an octagon or whatever.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>~~~</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I really wanted to work in something about how White Josh deserves all the happiness in the world and not to end up alone and bitter but instead I went for the obvious White Josh joke so consider this that insert and how WHITE JOSH DESERVES HAPPINESS.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>